Clearing out the trash

As I sat tidying my study, an act that should have occurred months ago, I couldn't help but wonder; is it about time that I cleaned out the trash in my life too?

From the outside it seems that there is very little rubbish in my life - a final year medical student at such a young age guaranteed of a job and endless possibilities, several chances to travel this year alone and meetings with friends and family where the laughter can still be heard long after everyone has gone home. Yet, what many fail to see is the nagging doubts, the insecurities that litter my existence and threaten to overwhelm the surrounding beauty.

Take Mr Investment Banker (MIB) for example, a man with whom I had an enthralling whirlwind romance almost a year ago but who continues to be that person in my head that I continue to tell my stories to. Why I don't have the courage to tell him the stories in real life is anyone's guess. Things with MIB ended due to circumstance rather than a falling out, we remained friends and continued to play the games that only two twenty-something singles can play. Eventually, tired of the lack of progression and the lure of exotic lands I neglected to answer his last flirty Facebook message. However, since coming back from my travels my mind has not let me forget about him, yet my pride and everything I have learnt from 'He's Just Not That Into You' prevent me from making that first fearful move. Instead I have been feeding my cravings by regularly checking his profile and obsessing over why his 'single' status has been removed from it. It doesn't take 5 years of medical school to know that this is unhealthy.

So today I actively decided to push this overwhelming fear of rejection out of my life by inviting him to a charity event that I happen to be organising. And whilst in theory the fear should be well on the way of being lost somewhere in the big, wide universe, I sit here obsessively wonderin what is going to happen. So much so that I felt the need to start a blog and vent. Baby steps, right?